A Room With A View

I just finished "A Room With A View"by E.M. Forster. At first I did not like it very much, it took me 3 weeks to read the first 2 chapters. I just couldn't really get into it, all the characters seems affected and annoying or to obscure to really understand at all.

But this last weekend I determined I must finish it since book club is this week, so I began to plow my way through. As I got more involved in the story I became less and less able to put the book down, but it got more and more painful to read, at points I could hardly stand it. I wanted to SCREAM at Lucy "You stupid goose! Stop being an idiot and just be honest for once".

Sadly, I think the most painful part was just how close to home her actions hit me. In her stupid attempts to be "right" I could see myself and my own stupid attempts to be right, and it was just so awful. One good (?) thing about the Kindle, it stops me from my old trick of just skipping chapters when I am annoyed with them, to come back to them later, because navigating back and forth like that is just too much work, so I just keep on plowing through. I think in the case of this book it was a good thing, because I really just needed to accept that:

A. It is utterly annoying, and childish, and deplorable how girls can act when they feel wronged or not good enough or confused
B. I must stop being like that!!! It's truly unacceptable.

Just this week, I got frustrated over a snag we ran into trying to find a hotel for San Fran, and spent an entire evening not talking to Grant, and now I can't even tell you clearly why. Why can't I just set aside my stupid pride and just talk like a grown up about things instead of saying "Just do whatever you want. I couldn't care less. This whole thing is stupid." And then being a complete baby all night long.

Anyways, that seemed to be the whole point that Forester was trying to make - In society and life we spend so much effort trying to be something we think we should be, and in doing so we end lying to ourselves and everyone else and making quite the "muddle" as he says of it all.

Trying to honestly be yourself is much harder than it seems like it should be sometimes though. But I can at least put effort into trying to recognize when I'm being petulant and false and stop it instead of just running with it. I'm determined! I'm not going to be Miss Bartlett anymore!