Sunday, March 20, 2011

Whom Ye Will Serve

Today in Relief Society we talked about Service, and there was a quote I really liked:

"We become more significant individuals as we serve others. We become more substantive as we serve others - indeed it is easier to 'find' ourselves because there is so much more of us to find" - Spencer W. Kimball

I had just on Friday been talking to a friend about the struggle of figuring out things that remind you of what makes you uniquely you. I feel like so often in trying to be an individual I'm just copying other people who I view as different. And I think my personality is a very adaptable one, which can be good at times, but sometimes I think I just become like whoever I'm around, and I don't really know what I would be if I were alone for any given length of time.

Anyways, back to the quote, it seems very counter-intuitive that service is a key to finding yourself. I think most things would tell you that in order to find yourself you need to spend time alone, doing things you enjoy. So I've been thinking about this quote, and trying to figure it out.

Here's my train of thought so far - Service builds love of others and self esteem, and as we love ourselves and others more, we are more able to accept ourselves for what we are, and others for what they are. As we become more comfortable in our skin we can stop trying to copy others or envying their talents and focus more on our talents and creating what we can? Maybe?

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Still Water Runs Deep

I've been studying the book Cultural Literacy by Hirsch trying to get ready for my finals, and I was reading the chapter on Idioms a couple weeks ago, and read
"Still water runs deep - A persons calm exterior often conceals great depths of character"

And for some reason that stuck with me. Right when I read it I thought "I want that! I want to be that!". I want to have, and for my children to have, the depth of character and confidence in the Lord that gives an innate calmness to life.

Today I read a talk called "Rest Unto Your Souls" y Elder Per G. Malm, and loved it. As I started reading it I thought "This is about being the still water that runs deep!", so I wanted to write a couple quotes down from it.

"Just like a young tree grows bit by bit into a sturdy tree, so we can grow step by step in our capacity to be solid and filled from the inside out"

"In our day-to-day actions it is often the small and simple things that will have lasting impact. What we say, how we act, and how we choose to react will influence not only ourselves but also those around us. We can build up, or we can tear down"

"When we learn to handle the small and simple daily things in a wise and inspired way, the result is a positive influence that will solidify harmony in our souls and build up and and strengthen those around us"

I really liked the focus on just the small, daily, things we do. I guess I feel so far from being "still water running deep", but this helped me feel like I can just focus on being calmer and clearer in the my small daily actions, and the practice of changing in the small things can eventually help me change in the bigger things too.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Fear

Kindergarten registration is coming up, and I can't believe I have a little boy old enough to go to kindergarten. Kindergarten open houses are happening right now, and then next month is registration. So I've been spending quite a bit of time trying to figure out what I am doing.

I think I am different than most people in that to me homeschooling seems like the easiest, least stressful choice. I don't know if it's over-confidence, but the idea of homeschooling just seems like such a simple one to me. I guess it's because I grew up homeschooled, I don't know.

Anyways, I've been contemplating homeschooling a lot, because I want to make sure that whatever choice I make, I make it for the right reasons. I don't want to homeschool only because it's a less stressful choice.

This week I was finally able to put a finger on what it was about the choice that I think it is that's bothering me - I don't want whatever decision I make to be a fear-based choice. I don't want my reason for homeschooling to be because I'm afraid of public schools, or afraid of the curriculum they'll use or afraid of the influence of other kids. And I don't want my reason to public school to be a fear of not being able to give him all an entire school system can.

I just don't want whatever decision I make to be based on fear.

I was thinking about the song "Lead Kindly Light"

"Lead, Kindly Light, amidst th'encircling gloom,
Lead Thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home,
Lead Thou me on!
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene; one step enough for me.


I was not ever thus,
nor prayed that Thou shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose and see my path;
but now lead Thou me on!

I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years!

The bold lines have always been my favorite, and tonight I was thinking of the symbolism of standing into a doorway, with a brightly lit room behind you, walking into the dark, not knowing what lies ahead. I was thinking that that choice, of walking into the dark, can ONLY be a choice of faith. The fear-based choice will always take you back, to the light, to the "garish day", where although the options may be bleak, at least we can stare them in the face and know what they are.

Anyways, I feel like I'm always writing half-thoughts. But I just wanted to type that out while it was fresh on my mind.