Glen Beck and I

Last weekend Grant's parents were here, and we went downtown to the Glen Beck rally. They had told Jefferson it was a big party, and he was sorely disappointed when we arrived. He began to walk around calling "Who has the candy?? Where is the candy??".

Anyways, I have been thinking about Glen Beck, and politics, and just trying to figure out my thoughts on them. For some reason listening to Glen Beck makes me... Cringe. And I'm trying to figure out why. I mean, I think I'm more republican then democrat, so I think I should agree with him. But I think I have a problem with the way he paints all liberals as either designing and evil or stupid, and republicans as the last hope for the future.

I don't really know if I am republican or democrat I guess. I don't feel like I'm either. I was thinking about it this morning, and I decided that I think it comes down to
Republican = take care of yourself & teach a man to fish
Democrat = take care of others & take the man some fish .
I'm a pretty independent kind of person, and I believe in taking care of yourself. But at the same time I do see cases where there are very real, legitimate needs, and it seems like the private sector isn't properly taking care of them, so I can't think badly of people who want to set up government institutions to help.

I was very blessed to have been raised in a home where I had opportunities for a great education, I learned to cook and clean and run a household economically, and I was rewarded for hard work and learned to appreciate that. I also have great family support, and I know that I can always call on them in times of need. I think sometimes I tend to take all those things for granted. But now I see there are a lot of really messed up homes in America, and kids are growing up without any of that, and to say to them "Look, I've managed to make it on my own, what's your problem?"... I don't know, but I used to think anyone who was living on welfare was just lazy and dependent, but I guess it's a lot more complicated then that. And while I do think you should teach the person to fish whenever possible, just because you grow up fishing doesn't mean you can just throw out fishing poles with instructions attached and say "It's simple stupid, just go out and fish" and then expect people to be able to provide for themselves in the same way you do.

But I do believe that government is by nature not very efficient, and simply creating more and more programs and spending more and more money is not going to solve all the social problems out there. So I guess I just feel like we need some balance. The government may have a very important role in the welfare problems of our day, but I think government alone can't fix it, and more government isn't necessarily the answer. But it doesn't get fixed by just shouting "self reliance and strong business!" in a megaphone either.

Well, the boys are awake so I'll have to solve politics in America another day. ha ha ha.

What are people doing falling off bandwagons anyway?

I don't really know what a bandwagon is or how people fell off them, but it must have happened a lot for them to make a saying I guess.

I'm trying to write right now, but I'm watching 2 little boys, so that equals 4 boys under the age of 5 in my house right now, not too conducive to thinking deep thoughts. But I guess the longer you stay off the bandwagon the further behind you get, so here were are, working to climb back on.

Here are a few things I'm working to find systems to implement in my life so they happen more regularly/smoothly:
Cleaning the house
Service
Health/exercise

I'm trying flylady, but having a hard time with the way her emails work, I wish there was a simpler way to get her daily tasks without reading through all the other stuff she sends out.

Weekday veg is going pretty well, but I'm getting tired of the options we have. Why does it seem hard to think of meals without meat? There are only a few kinds of meat and hundreds of fruits, vegetabls and grains, why does taking the meat out seem to limit my options so much?

Well, I better go while most the house is still in one piece.

Contentment

I guess this is kind of a continuation of last weeks post. I feel like I talk about this all the time... perhaps one of these days I will figure something out and I can stop thinking about it :). I just have been thinking about the desire for change vs. contentment with where you are today. Life is a constant attempt to find a place of balance, and this is a place where I guess I just don't feel that balance.

I think that a lot can be said for change, and not being afraid of change. But I think that I am missing out on enjoying a lot of moments because I am constantly looking ahead for the next change in life. I guess I fear missing out on some opportunity or life changing experience by being too complacent, but I think I'm just putting my complacency in the wrong places. I think I tend to be overly complacent in a lot of areas that I feel are "small" things (but when I say them they don't sound small and I feel dumb... I guess I just categorize them as small so I don't feel so bad about not making them a priority) like my health and home organization and such.

Anyways, as I type it's helping clarify in my mind what I've been feeling, and I guess it's that I feel like I am constantly yearning for change in the areas of life I can't control, but there are SO many areas in my life that are in need of improvement that I CAN control. So I need to move my complacency to the areas I can't control, and just enjoy the ride more, and move my motivation for change to things that I have control over.

I'm going to end with this mostly unrelated quote that Grant just sent me from The Shallows:
"The internet seizes our attention only to scatter it"

I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go

Today in church we sang that song - I'll go where You want me to go, dear Lord, I'll be what you want me to be". And for some reason I almost cried. And I've been feeling a little sad about it all day.

I have a condition that I think I inherited from my dad where every year or so I start to feel like I want a change. Not like a change in hair color, but like "I want to pick up and move" change. My pre-married adult life I don't think I lived any one place longer than 3 or 4 months in a stretch. When we first got married I loved it here, and thought we'd be here forever. Then a little less than a year later I started to feel the itch, and we moved to Logan. 4 months later we moved to Cedar. 4 months in Cedar, 4 months in Seattle, 4 more months in Cedar. A year in Bountiful. A month in Argentina. Moved out here. I loved it out here again. We looked for a house to buy. But recently I've just been feeling that itch again. That "I want to be somewhere new..." feeling. I want to be closer to family. Suddenly the West coast is sounding much more magical then the East coast.

Well, maybe more magical isn't the right word, I love the East coast. I really do. But the West coast isn't sounding too shabby recently. Yesterday Grant and I spent an hour looking at train tickets. And we are insane, but we desperately want to take our family on a 3 day train ride across America. Stop overnight in Chicago and see Grant's friend Billy. Watch America pass by out the window of a sleeper car.

And then live in Portland. Or Seattle. Or somewhere else in the NW.

But then today we sang that song. And I just felt like, I don't know what I felt. Just this feeling that I need to let go of MY desires for where I want our family to be, and be willing to look for what God wants. And for some reason that's hard for me. What if he wants me to stay here? Like forever?

I mean, I know that if that's what's right for our family, it's what is right, and we will be happy, and life will be fulfilling and hard and perfect. But it's hard for me to let go of my visions of my future. And maybe my vision of the future is His vision of the future for our family too, and I just need to let it be on His timing, but that's hard too. Giving up control is something I have never been good at. I'm officially a control freak.

Really though, if there's one thing that I should have learned by now, is that the future is never what I think it will be. And the harder I hold onto one certain picture of what the future is going to be, the worse it is on me when things don't go quite as pictured. So why do I do this to myself? Why is it so hard for me to let go of the reigns, when really the reigns are just tied to a stick by my foot, and I'm not really controlling anything to begin with?

I'll go where You want me to go, I'll go where You want me to go, I'll go where You want me to go. I can do this.