A Forest Lost in Trees

This is Duncan trying to put one doll shoe and one of Jefferson's shoes on his stuffed frog, he was very frustrated the frog couldn't keep them on. 2 year olds can be so fun sometimes.

Thank you all for your comments and thoughts on yesterdays post. I really appreciated each of your perspectives, and it helped me step back a bit and look at the bigger picture and not stress about the details so much.

Erin sent me an email, and I wanted to post part of it, because I thought it was great -

About the shirt . . . I totally know what you mean. I like the quote, "don't take council from your fears." Today I was reading a book that said something like, 'We live in a universe that says 'YES!' It is a YES universe. If we believe we will fail, it says YES. If we believe there is a scarcity of something, it says 'YES!' If we believe the world is a dangerous place, it says 'YES!' But if we believe in abundance, it says 'YES!' If we believe in things turning out for the best, it says 'YES!'" Also, when I met with Kirk yesterday he was saying how our brain makes lists of evidence of things. For example, if we believe the future is insecure, we make a list of evidence in our brain to support that; when we want to ACT against that belief, it's pretty much impossible for us to do so because our brain says, "There's no EVIDENCE for that! I CAN'T do that!"

So he said if we want to change our beliefs and our action habits, we have to start actively recording/looking for/creating evidence for the thing we want to believe. Anyway, about Jeff making friends, I think in the end the shirt is only important in that it has given you greif. It will not matter WHAT he wears, really, in the end. What matters most is that you love him (which you do) and that you believe in him (which you do.) I know he'll make friends; he'll be successful; he'll have fun. He's a smart, friendly kid.

I really liked that . I know I already talked about the book The Social Animal the other day, but that quote made me think of that book, and how much what we unconsciously believe influences our actions. And so I have been trying to be more aware of the limiting thoughts I have, and change them for more positive ones.

Know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em

Sometimes as a parent I have a really hard time knowing when to give in and when to stand fast to a "rule".

Today I have 2 cases which I can't figure out if I should hold 'em or fold 'em.

Character t-shirts and honey nut cheerios.

First cheerios. I grew up in a house that rarely ate cold cereal. Actually only on Sunday mornings. and we had 2 cereal choices - plain cheerios and corn flakes. Sometimes on extra special occasions (like camping or something) we'd have kix.

Jefferson won't eat cold cereal at all, but Duncan likes it, and recently, with me sleeping more than usual, we've been having it for breakfast a couple times a week. So I generally just pull out the cheerios and rice krispies in the morning, and then let Duncan choose which one he wants. So my problem comes in here - Grant, who grew up in a lucky charms/cap'n crunch house, doesn't like plain cereal much, so I buy honey nut cheerios for him. Well, on Sunday Grant was eating honey nut cheerios, and Duncan wanted some cereal, so he gave him a bowl.

Then this morning I went into the kitchen and asked Duncan if he wanted some cereal, and he said "no" and ran into our room. Grant asked him if he wanted some cereal, and he said "Yes, big cereal". Grant takes him in the kitchen, pulls out rice krispies and plain cheerios, and asks him which he wants, and he says "No! Big Cereal!!!" So Grant pulls out honey nut cheerios, and Duncan says "Yes!". I'm not entirely sure why honey nut cheerios are big cereal to him, but now I feel like if I let him start eating honey nut cheerios he'll never eat the less-sweet cereal again. But I don't know if I'm just being dumb, and it really doesn't matter. I mean, cold cereal in general is not exactly a health food, so does it really matter if he's eating plain cheerios vs honey nut?

Then t-shirts. For some reason I really don't like character t-shirts, and I think until yesterday I've never bought my kids any clothes or shoes with characters on them. I guess I've bent the rule a bit when it comes to free shirts/shoes/toys we've gotten from Animal Planet/Discovery Channel, but I'm pretty strict about disney characters and the like. And now that I am typing this out I can't even clearly say why I dislike them so much.

But when we were at the ward campout last week, one of the mom's was talking about how her son had a hard time going up to new kids and making friends, so for his first day of preschool she bought him a pair of Thomas the Train shoes that made "Choo choo!" noises when you walk, and the treads on them looked like train tracks, and a Thomas the Train t-shirt. And she said it worked. Kids would walk up and be like "I like thomas the train." And her boy would say "me too". And it gave them a reason to talk to each other, which led to making some friends.

I admit, I'm nervous about Jefferson making friends in Kindergarten. When we are places with lots of kids he doesn't know well he will often just stay by me, and ask me to come play with him. I'll tell him he can join in playing with the other kids, but he feels like he needs a personal invitation from someone, and won't join unless he happens to get one.

Now I don't think Thomas the Tank would get Jefferson very far in Kindergarten, but Jefferson loves the wii. Much more then I wish he did. Enough that most days I just want to get rid of our wii. But I admit it's kind of saving me this pregnancy, because I really can't seem to make it through the day without a nap, and I need something to keep him occupied while Duncan and I nap, and so it's usually wii. His favorite game is Super Mario Galaxy, which he can talk about for hours. Literally.

Yesterday I was looking online for sales for school clothes for Jefferson, and he was looking over my shoulder, and he saw a Mario t-shirt, and he said "Oh cool, they have shirts with Mario on them!". And so last night for a surprise I bought him a Mario t-shirt for his first day of school. But now I'm doubting myself, wondering if its a dumb idea and I'm starting down a slippery slope to... What? I guess just commercialization in general is what I want to avoid, but it's so prevalent in todays world, I don't know if I'm being a stickler over something dumb and unimportant.

So what would you do in these cases??

Netflix and internet

Grant sent me this article today
http://techcrunch.com/2011/08/16/netflix-now-for-kids/

And I'm happy about that. I hope they continue with more changes to make a more customizable, kid friendly experience.

I've been trying turning my computer of during the days recently except for a couple set times when I check and respond to emails and such, and it's been such a welcome change in my days. There are times it's annoying when I want to look something up really quickly, and I can't because the computer is not on, but overall very nice.

Social Animals and Sensitivity

I've been reading the book "How to Teach Your Child Sensitivity" by Linda and Richard Eyre, as well as The Social Animal by David Books. They are both books I highly recommend, and they have led me to the goal of working on one mental skill (I don't know if that's the phrase I want, but I can't think of a better one at the moment...) a week. I'm roughly following the schedule laid out in the Eyre book, but adapting it a bit.

This week we are working on looking at people in the eyes when we're speaking to them or being spoken too. We talked about this at dinner yesterday, and started then, and I admit it's been a bit harder then I thought it would be. Already I've realized how often I'm distracted when I'm talking to my family.

So here's to change!

Whom Ye Will Serve

Today in Relief Society we talked about Service, and there was a quote I really liked:

"We become more significant individuals as we serve others. We become more substantive as we serve others - indeed it is easier to 'find' ourselves because there is so much more of us to find" - Spencer W. Kimball

I had just on Friday been talking to a friend about the struggle of figuring out things that remind you of what makes you uniquely you. I feel like so often in trying to be an individual I'm just copying other people who I view as different. And I think my personality is a very adaptable one, which can be good at times, but sometimes I think I just become like whoever I'm around, and I don't really know what I would be if I were alone for any given length of time.

Anyways, back to the quote, it seems very counter-intuitive that service is a key to finding yourself. I think most things would tell you that in order to find yourself you need to spend time alone, doing things you enjoy. So I've been thinking about this quote, and trying to figure it out.

Here's my train of thought so far - Service builds love of others and self esteem, and as we love ourselves and others more, we are more able to accept ourselves for what we are, and others for what they are. As we become more comfortable in our skin we can stop trying to copy others or envying their talents and focus more on our talents and creating what we can? Maybe?

Still Water Runs Deep

I've been studying the book Cultural Literacy by Hirsch trying to get ready for my finals, and I was reading the chapter on Idioms a couple weeks ago, and read
"Still water runs deep - A persons calm exterior often conceals great depths of character"

And for some reason that stuck with me. Right when I read it I thought "I want that! I want to be that!". I want to have, and for my children to have, the depth of character and confidence in the Lord that gives an innate calmness to life.

Today I read a talk called "Rest Unto Your Souls" y Elder Per G. Malm, and loved it. As I started reading it I thought "This is about being the still water that runs deep!", so I wanted to write a couple quotes down from it.

"Just like a young tree grows bit by bit into a sturdy tree, so we can grow step by step in our capacity to be solid and filled from the inside out"

"In our day-to-day actions it is often the small and simple things that will have lasting impact. What we say, how we act, and how we choose to react will influence not only ourselves but also those around us. We can build up, or we can tear down"

"When we learn to handle the small and simple daily things in a wise and inspired way, the result is a positive influence that will solidify harmony in our souls and build up and and strengthen those around us"

I really liked the focus on just the small, daily, things we do. I guess I feel so far from being "still water running deep", but this helped me feel like I can just focus on being calmer and clearer in the my small daily actions, and the practice of changing in the small things can eventually help me change in the bigger things too.

Fear

Kindergarten registration is coming up, and I can't believe I have a little boy old enough to go to kindergarten. Kindergarten open houses are happening right now, and then next month is registration. So I've been spending quite a bit of time trying to figure out what I am doing.

I think I am different than most people in that to me homeschooling seems like the easiest, least stressful choice. I don't know if it's over-confidence, but the idea of homeschooling just seems like such a simple one to me. I guess it's because I grew up homeschooled, I don't know.

Anyways, I've been contemplating homeschooling a lot, because I want to make sure that whatever choice I make, I make it for the right reasons. I don't want to homeschool only because it's a less stressful choice.

This week I was finally able to put a finger on what it was about the choice that I think it is that's bothering me - I don't want whatever decision I make to be a fear-based choice. I don't want my reason for homeschooling to be because I'm afraid of public schools, or afraid of the curriculum they'll use or afraid of the influence of other kids. And I don't want my reason to public school to be a fear of not being able to give him all an entire school system can.

I just don't want whatever decision I make to be based on fear.

I was thinking about the song "Lead Kindly Light"

"Lead, Kindly Light, amidst th'encircling gloom,
Lead Thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home,
Lead Thou me on!
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene; one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus,
nor prayed that Thou shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose and see my path;
but now lead Thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years!

The bold lines have always been my favorite, and tonight I was thinking of the symbolism of standing into a doorway, with a brightly lit room behind you, walking into the dark, not knowing what lies ahead. I was thinking that that choice, of walking into the dark, can ONLY be a choice of faith. The fear-based choice will always take you back, to the light, to the "garish day", where although the options may be bleak, at least we can stare them in the face and know what they are.

Anyways, I feel like I'm always writing half-thoughts. But I just wanted to type that out while it was fresh on my mind.