I don't really know what a bandwagon is or how people fell off them, but it must have happened a lot for them to make a saying I guess.
I'm trying to write right now, but I'm watching 2 little boys, so that equals 4 boys under the age of 5 in my house right now, not too conducive to thinking deep thoughts. But I guess the longer you stay off the bandwagon the further behind you get, so here were are, working to climb back on.
Here are a few things I'm working to find systems to implement in my life so they happen more regularly/smoothly:
Cleaning the house
Service
Health/exercise
I'm trying flylady, but having a hard time with the way her emails work, I wish there was a simpler way to get her daily tasks without reading through all the other stuff she sends out.
Weekday veg is going pretty well, but I'm getting tired of the options we have. Why does it seem hard to think of meals without meat? There are only a few kinds of meat and hundreds of fruits, vegetabls and grains, why does taking the meat out seem to limit my options so much?
Well, I better go while most the house is still in one piece.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Contentment
I guess this is kind of a continuation of last weeks post. I feel like I talk about this all the time... perhaps one of these days I will figure something out and I can stop thinking about it :). I just have been thinking about the desire for change vs. contentment with where you are today. Life is a constant attempt to find a place of balance, and this is a place where I guess I just don't feel that balance.
I think that a lot can be said for change, and not being afraid of change. But I think that I am missing out on enjoying a lot of moments because I am constantly looking ahead for the next change in life. I guess I fear missing out on some opportunity or life changing experience by being too complacent, but I think I'm just putting my complacency in the wrong places. I think I tend to be overly complacent in a lot of areas that I feel are "small" things (but when I say them they don't sound small and I feel dumb... I guess I just categorize them as small so I don't feel so bad about not making them a priority) like my health and home organization and such.
Anyways, as I type it's helping clarify in my mind what I've been feeling, and I guess it's that I feel like I am constantly yearning for change in the areas of life I can't control, but there are SO many areas in my life that are in need of improvement that I CAN control. So I need to move my complacency to the areas I can't control, and just enjoy the ride more, and move my motivation for change to things that I have control over.
I'm going to end with this mostly unrelated quote that Grant just sent me from The Shallows:
"The internet seizes our attention only to scatter it"
I think that a lot can be said for change, and not being afraid of change. But I think that I am missing out on enjoying a lot of moments because I am constantly looking ahead for the next change in life. I guess I fear missing out on some opportunity or life changing experience by being too complacent, but I think I'm just putting my complacency in the wrong places. I think I tend to be overly complacent in a lot of areas that I feel are "small" things (but when I say them they don't sound small and I feel dumb... I guess I just categorize them as small so I don't feel so bad about not making them a priority) like my health and home organization and such.
Anyways, as I type it's helping clarify in my mind what I've been feeling, and I guess it's that I feel like I am constantly yearning for change in the areas of life I can't control, but there are SO many areas in my life that are in need of improvement that I CAN control. So I need to move my complacency to the areas I can't control, and just enjoy the ride more, and move my motivation for change to things that I have control over.
I'm going to end with this mostly unrelated quote that Grant just sent me from The Shallows:
"The internet seizes our attention only to scatter it"
Sunday, August 1, 2010
I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go
Today in church we sang that song - I'll go where You want me to go, dear Lord, I'll be what you want me to be". And for some reason I almost cried. And I've been feeling a little sad about it all day.
I have a condition that I think I inherited from my dad where every year or so I start to feel like I want a change. Not like a change in hair color, but like "I want to pick up and move" change. My pre-married adult life I don't think I lived any one place longer than 3 or 4 months in a stretch. When we first got married I loved it here, and thought we'd be here forever. Then a little less than a year later I started to feel the itch, and we moved to Logan. 4 months later we moved to Cedar. 4 months in Cedar, 4 months in Seattle, 4 more months in Cedar. A year in Bountiful. A month in Argentina. Moved out here. I loved it out here again. We looked for a house to buy. But recently I've just been feeling that itch again. That "I want to be somewhere new..." feeling. I want to be closer to family. Suddenly the West coast is sounding much more magical then the East coast.
Well, maybe more magical isn't the right word, I love the East coast. I really do. But the West coast isn't sounding too shabby recently. Yesterday Grant and I spent an hour looking at train tickets. And we are insane, but we desperately want to take our family on a 3 day train ride across America. Stop overnight in Chicago and see Grant's friend Billy. Watch America pass by out the window of a sleeper car.
And then live in Portland. Or Seattle. Or somewhere else in the NW.
But then today we sang that song. And I just felt like, I don't know what I felt. Just this feeling that I need to let go of MY desires for where I want our family to be, and be willing to look for what God wants. And for some reason that's hard for me. What if he wants me to stay here? Like forever?
I mean, I know that if that's what's right for our family, it's what is right, and we will be happy, and life will be fulfilling and hard and perfect. But it's hard for me to let go of my visions of my future. And maybe my vision of the future is His vision of the future for our family too, and I just need to let it be on His timing, but that's hard too. Giving up control is something I have never been good at. I'm officially a control freak.
Really though, if there's one thing that I should have learned by now, is that the future is never what I think it will be. And the harder I hold onto one certain picture of what the future is going to be, the worse it is on me when things don't go quite as pictured. So why do I do this to myself? Why is it so hard for me to let go of the reigns, when really the reigns are just tied to a stick by my foot, and I'm not really controlling anything to begin with?
I'll go where You want me to go, I'll go where You want me to go, I'll go where You want me to go. I can do this.
I have a condition that I think I inherited from my dad where every year or so I start to feel like I want a change. Not like a change in hair color, but like "I want to pick up and move" change. My pre-married adult life I don't think I lived any one place longer than 3 or 4 months in a stretch. When we first got married I loved it here, and thought we'd be here forever. Then a little less than a year later I started to feel the itch, and we moved to Logan. 4 months later we moved to Cedar. 4 months in Cedar, 4 months in Seattle, 4 more months in Cedar. A year in Bountiful. A month in Argentina. Moved out here. I loved it out here again. We looked for a house to buy. But recently I've just been feeling that itch again. That "I want to be somewhere new..." feeling. I want to be closer to family. Suddenly the West coast is sounding much more magical then the East coast.
Well, maybe more magical isn't the right word, I love the East coast. I really do. But the West coast isn't sounding too shabby recently. Yesterday Grant and I spent an hour looking at train tickets. And we are insane, but we desperately want to take our family on a 3 day train ride across America. Stop overnight in Chicago and see Grant's friend Billy. Watch America pass by out the window of a sleeper car.
And then live in Portland. Or Seattle. Or somewhere else in the NW.
But then today we sang that song. And I just felt like, I don't know what I felt. Just this feeling that I need to let go of MY desires for where I want our family to be, and be willing to look for what God wants. And for some reason that's hard for me. What if he wants me to stay here? Like forever?
I mean, I know that if that's what's right for our family, it's what is right, and we will be happy, and life will be fulfilling and hard and perfect. But it's hard for me to let go of my visions of my future. And maybe my vision of the future is His vision of the future for our family too, and I just need to let it be on His timing, but that's hard too. Giving up control is something I have never been good at. I'm officially a control freak.
Really though, if there's one thing that I should have learned by now, is that the future is never what I think it will be. And the harder I hold onto one certain picture of what the future is going to be, the worse it is on me when things don't go quite as pictured. So why do I do this to myself? Why is it so hard for me to let go of the reigns, when really the reigns are just tied to a stick by my foot, and I'm not really controlling anything to begin with?
I'll go where You want me to go, I'll go where You want me to go, I'll go where You want me to go. I can do this.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Service
Yesterday I was working on getting mom's book ready for e-publishing, and I read this quote:
Only when you lift a burden, God will lift your burden. Divine paradox this! The man who staggers and falls because his burden is too great can lighten that burden by taking on the weight of another's burden. You get by giving, but your part of giving must be given first.
~Spencer W. Kimball
I need to make a specific effort to be focusing on service in my life. I always think about wanting to do more service, but rarely make a concerted effort to actually DO something.
Sorry this is short today, I've been working on mom's book and now I need to get off the computer
Only when you lift a burden, God will lift your burden. Divine paradox this! The man who staggers and falls because his burden is too great can lighten that burden by taking on the weight of another's burden. You get by giving, but your part of giving must be given first.
~Spencer W. Kimball
I need to make a specific effort to be focusing on service in my life. I always think about wanting to do more service, but rarely make a concerted effort to actually DO something.
Sorry this is short today, I've been working on mom's book and now I need to get off the computer
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Here we go again...
And again. And again.
Today I've been thinking about all the things that I do over and over and over again. It seems like life is chock full of stuff I do (or should do) in endless repetition.
First thing I thought of was food. I feed my boys 5+ times a day, and the amount of my day that goes into preparing, feeding, and cleaning up after the feeding is... Substantial. And it's not like I'm making gourmet meals here. And speaking of cleaning up after meals, just cleaning in general feels endless.
I'm not trying to sound depressing or begrudging, I was just thinking about it, and kind of wondering why. Why is our life set up in a way that we just do the same things over and over again? Why can't we just do something one or two times, and have learned it? And crocodiles only need to eat like once a week or less, that sounds nice sometimes.
Anyways, I guess I need to learn something from repetition. And I'm trying to figure out what. The only thought I've had so far is the sheer number of things always needing to be done keeps me from getting too complacent. Even if I spent all morning yesterday cleaning my bathroom and getting it spotless, 1 or 2 trips-to-the-bathroom-by-a-4-year-old-boy later it's destined to need to be cleaned again. I'm still thinking about it. Maybe I'll come up with something brilliant later today. After I clean the kitchen one more time.
Today I've been thinking about all the things that I do over and over and over again. It seems like life is chock full of stuff I do (or should do) in endless repetition.
First thing I thought of was food. I feed my boys 5+ times a day, and the amount of my day that goes into preparing, feeding, and cleaning up after the feeding is... Substantial. And it's not like I'm making gourmet meals here. And speaking of cleaning up after meals, just cleaning in general feels endless.
I'm not trying to sound depressing or begrudging, I was just thinking about it, and kind of wondering why. Why is our life set up in a way that we just do the same things over and over again? Why can't we just do something one or two times, and have learned it? And crocodiles only need to eat like once a week or less, that sounds nice sometimes.
Anyways, I guess I need to learn something from repetition. And I'm trying to figure out what. The only thought I've had so far is the sheer number of things always needing to be done keeps me from getting too complacent. Even if I spent all morning yesterday cleaning my bathroom and getting it spotless, 1 or 2 trips-to-the-bathroom-by-a-4-year-old-boy later it's destined to need to be cleaned again. I'm still thinking about it. Maybe I'll come up with something brilliant later today. After I clean the kitchen one more time.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Weekday Vegetarian
Our internet is down, it has been for 2 days. This happens on a fairly regular basis, so we decided to try a different internet provider. But for now we have no internet, so I'm writing this offline, then I'll move it online when I can connect to the internet again.
Dee just woke up so this is going to be very brief. For the last month we have been trying "weekday veg", which Grant saw a video about on TED
http://www.ted.com/talks/graham_hill_weekday_vegetarian.html
So far, so good, although I do have a hard time coming up with recipes that feel filling enough for Grant that I can also send as leftovers the next day. I decided I should keep track on here of what I am making and what we like/don't like. I've lost the first 2 weeks of meals, but here's what I've cooked for the last 3 weeks, and short notes on it:
Week 1
Mon - Baked Potatoes & Oven Roasted Broccoli - Grant didn't really touch the broccoli, and didn't seem overly enthused about baked potatoes as a main course in general
Tue - Tofu Tamale Pie - This is a vegetarian version of a meal Grant really likes. He said don't remind him of the meat version and he'll probably like it even more. I really liked it, and the leftovers the next day were yummy
Wed - Tomato Avocado Sandwiches & Oven Fries - Easy and generally liked. Maybe I'd get a bagel for Grant's sandwich so it's more filling.
Thu - Falafel on corn tortillas with hummus - Always goes over well here
Fri - Went to a friends for dinner
Week 2
Mon - Homemade Pizza - Not too much to say, everyone likes pizza, right?
Tue - Can't remember what we had this day, it's not written down…
Wed - Vegetarian Cincinnati Chili - Everyone liked this, but Grant says don't call it Cincinnati Chili and he'll like it more (see a theme here?)
Thu - Black Bean Quesadillas & Watermelon - Good
Fri - Oven Fried Fish & Baked Potatoes - I tried Swai Fillets, and I don't know if it was how I prepared them, but they were very fish-y tasting, and no one wanted seconds
Week 3 - (updated with notes on the meals)
Mon - Lentil Tacos - always a good basic veg meal
Tue - Peppery Fusilli & Rolls - Grant said "this is a good spaghetti variation". I was like "Spaghetti?!?! this is nothing like Spaghetti". He just shrugged. So yeah, pasta = spaghetti here.
Wed - Spinach Quiche, sweet potato oven fries - this was good, but I did the quiche crustless, and Grant said he would like it better with a crust
Thu - Black & White Checkered Chili, Corn chips & cheese - very yummy. Grant liked it a lot.
Fri - Papusas w/refried beans, corn, lettuce & tomatoes - Never ended up making this, I think we made pizza instead.
Dee just woke up so this is going to be very brief. For the last month we have been trying "weekday veg", which Grant saw a video about on TED
http://www.ted.com/talks/graham_hill_weekday_vegetarian.html
So far, so good, although I do have a hard time coming up with recipes that feel filling enough for Grant that I can also send as leftovers the next day. I decided I should keep track on here of what I am making and what we like/don't like. I've lost the first 2 weeks of meals, but here's what I've cooked for the last 3 weeks, and short notes on it:
Week 1
Mon - Baked Potatoes & Oven Roasted Broccoli - Grant didn't really touch the broccoli, and didn't seem overly enthused about baked potatoes as a main course in general
Tue - Tofu Tamale Pie - This is a vegetarian version of a meal Grant really likes. He said don't remind him of the meat version and he'll probably like it even more. I really liked it, and the leftovers the next day were yummy
Wed - Tomato Avocado Sandwiches & Oven Fries - Easy and generally liked. Maybe I'd get a bagel for Grant's sandwich so it's more filling.
Thu - Falafel on corn tortillas with hummus - Always goes over well here
Fri - Went to a friends for dinner
Week 2
Mon - Homemade Pizza - Not too much to say, everyone likes pizza, right?
Tue - Can't remember what we had this day, it's not written down…
Wed - Vegetarian Cincinnati Chili - Everyone liked this, but Grant says don't call it Cincinnati Chili and he'll like it more (see a theme here?)
Thu - Black Bean Quesadillas & Watermelon - Good
Fri - Oven Fried Fish & Baked Potatoes - I tried Swai Fillets, and I don't know if it was how I prepared them, but they were very fish-y tasting, and no one wanted seconds
Week 3 - (updated with notes on the meals)
Mon - Lentil Tacos - always a good basic veg meal
Tue - Peppery Fusilli & Rolls - Grant said "this is a good spaghetti variation". I was like "Spaghetti?!?! this is nothing like Spaghetti". He just shrugged. So yeah, pasta = spaghetti here.
Wed - Spinach Quiche, sweet potato oven fries - this was good, but I did the quiche crustless, and Grant said he would like it better with a crust
Thu - Black & White Checkered Chili, Corn chips & cheese - very yummy. Grant liked it a lot.
Fri - Papusas w/refried beans, corn, lettuce & tomatoes - Never ended up making this, I think we made pizza instead.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Climbing Back on the Bandwagon
I haven't done so well at writing for the past couple weeks... I'll skip the excuses, and just say yay for fresh starts.
I've been thinking a bit about being good enough for... everything I guess. I feel like it's a constant pull, to be good enough for this or that. And how defensive I feel when I start to feel not good enough. I think a lot of my anger and sadness in life comes down to fear of not being good enough. I get angry at Jay when I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, and I don't know how to control the situation at hand. I get angry at Grant when I feel like I've failed or I feel like he's critical of me or my efforts in some area.
So I'm trying to figure out letting that go. How can I get to where I can say "I am a good enough person for the Lord to love. And His love is enough. If I am trying to be the kind of person he wants me to be, I can accept who I am. I am not perfect, but I can be loving and loved in my current state".
I do want to be more loving, and less... Needy. I feel like I want constant affirmations that I'm good enough, and I don't want to be like that.
On a somewhat related note, I started this little bit of prose the other day, but I don't know where I want it to go. It's a continuation of something I wrote a really long time ago. Anyways, here's what I've got so far.
I've been thinking a bit about being good enough for... everything I guess. I feel like it's a constant pull, to be good enough for this or that. And how defensive I feel when I start to feel not good enough. I think a lot of my anger and sadness in life comes down to fear of not being good enough. I get angry at Jay when I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, and I don't know how to control the situation at hand. I get angry at Grant when I feel like I've failed or I feel like he's critical of me or my efforts in some area.
So I'm trying to figure out letting that go. How can I get to where I can say "I am a good enough person for the Lord to love. And His love is enough. If I am trying to be the kind of person he wants me to be, I can accept who I am. I am not perfect, but I can be loving and loved in my current state".
I do want to be more loving, and less... Needy. I feel like I want constant affirmations that I'm good enough, and I don't want to be like that.
On a somewhat related note, I started this little bit of prose the other day, but I don't know where I want it to go. It's a continuation of something I wrote a really long time ago. Anyways, here's what I've got so far.
ThemIt wasn’t them. The realization was all at once relieving and frightening. It wasn’t those brass eagles, with their fierce beaks and sharp claws. The holes in our rafts were from us. We floated along keeping our eyes on the eagles, covertly slashing holes in our own rafts, then screaming in anger at the eagles as we sank.
I guess we blamed the eagles because we didn’t understand the holes. Against all reason, they surprised us. Our ability to hurt something we needed, something that kept us afloat, without even flinching... just seemed wrong. And the eagles were there, just asking to be blamed.
That's all I have. I keep starting a 3rd paragraph and not liking it. I don't know what I want to say from there. Anyways, I think that is all for today.
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