Honesty

So I said I was going to not eat sugar until the 4th of July... And I failed. I did really good for the first little bit, and then Grant's dad bought me some fudge, and I felt bad saying no, so I was like "I'll just eat this one thing..." and then after I ate the fudge I just was like "Oh, I already ruined it, what's the use?". And I've just been a failure at not eating sugar since then.

And I'm really ashamed to admit it. I mean, seriously??? I can't go without sugar for a stinkin' two weeks? So I'm kind of mad at myself.

More on honesty with myself tomorrow, Grant needs help packing to leave me again at 5:00 tomorrow morning... :(

Home Alone

I never liked that movie. The whole movie just makes me cringe.

Anyways, Grant is in NYC tonight for work, so I'm home alone. I guess growing up in the middle of 7 kids didn't give me a lot of chance to get used to being alone. In any case, I don't like it. I'm not even alone, the boys are here, but I just miss having Grant around, he makes me feel so much safer for some reason.

I had knitting here tonight to distract me from the fact I am alone, but now everyone is gone. *sigh*

Recently I've been thinking (I feel like I use that phrase every single day...) about growing up, and feeling more comfortable in my skin. I remember being a teenager, and just worrying about... Everything. My clothes, my hair, the size of my feet, my teeth, my makeup, exactly how righteous I needed to be to go to heaven when I died, just everything.

I still worry about things, but I feel like in general, I am just so much more comfortable with just being a person. Maybe you just have to grow into existence. Maybe it's a bad thing to be comfortable? Maybe you are more driven when you are uncomfortable?

But it's kind of nice.

Art & Copy

We just watched this documentary, and I loved it. It was so inspiring to me, I just felt like there's no reason we can't change the world. That we can't do something big, and great. There's a part where someone says something about a few good people working together is all it takes, and I thought of the amazing people I know, and I just kept thinking "we can do this!"

Now to figure out what "this" is.

I need a new attitude about hard things, like not looking at them as a dreadful thing to survive, but as.. I can't think of an analogy I really like, but maybe like a gate to greener pastures, or a pathway to a new adventure. Anyways, I think hard things are part of life regardless, but I need to learn to use them to my advantage and not fight them.

Grant is leaving town for NYC for work 2 days tomorrow, and then he comes back and goes straight to scout camp for 3 days, so I'm on my own with the boys this week. I'm hoping to get the sewing/computer room really organized as a surprise for him while he's gone, but I'll really have to work hard whenever the boys are down to get it done. Organizing yarn and fabric with little ones in the same room is somewhat counter-productive, it's just too tempting for them not to help :). So hopefully I can keep on task. Maybe I should just not turn on the computer in that room while he's gone, the main reason I first get on it during the days usually is to IM him or see if he's in a meeting or what not. Yes, I think that's a good idea. I'll turn off Papa G for Grant's trip, and I'll write on Kristine, which I usually do anyways.

Well, I'd best get to bed.

If at first you don't succeed...

Last night I was watching Jefferson try a game, and every time he struggled with an answer I would yell the right answer in from the other room. And then I realized I do that all the time. And how that probably isn't good for Jefferson. So that's a goal - let Jefferson and Duncan figure things out and do things on their own more. My mantra for the day - things don't have to be perfect all the time, and honest mistakes are okay. The last thing we need around here are more perfectionists, so I ought to do what I can not to breed it into them ;).

And hard things. I forgot to write anything yesterday, but sadly I didn't do anything really impressive. I This morning in the shower I decided I need to try a little bit harder at doing hard things, and decided I've been eating too much junk food recently anyways, so I decided no more sugar until 4th of July. Which is only like 2 weeks away. So nothing huge, but at least it will keep me from eating all Jeff's popcicles for a couple weeks.

Tomorrow we are going to Atlantic City for a day, I've never been there, so I'm excited to go see what its like.

Good Things to Come

I love this video.

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=bd163ca6e9aa3210VgnVCM1000003a94610aRCRD&locale=0

It reminded me of A. My life is so good! B. The best is yet to be.

This morning I read the talk "And upon the Handmaids in Those Days Will I Pour Out My Spirit"
https://beta.lds.org/liahona/2010/05/and-upon-the-handmaids-in-those-days-will-i-pour-out-my-spirit?lang=eng&format=conference&view=sessions

And I felt like I was underlining every other line. Some favorite parts were "The ability to qualify for, receive and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life." "Revelation can come hour by hour and moment by moment as we do the right things" "Promised personal revelation comes when we ask for it, prepare for it, and go forward in faith, trusting that it will be poured out upon us" I LOVE that - "Trusting that it will be poured out upon us".

She had a quote from Eliza R. Snow (who lived in the late 1800's) - "Women should be women and not babies that need petting and correction all the time. I know we like to be appreciated but if we do not get all the appreciation which we think is our due, what matters? We know the lord has laid high responsibility upon us, and there is not a wish or desire that the Lord has implanted in our hearts in righteousness but will be realized, and the greatest good we can do to ourselves and each other is to refine and cultivate ourselves in everything that is good and ennobling to qualify us for those responsibilities."

I am inspired to complain less and to work harder at improving myself.

Sweet Black Bean Burritos

That is what we are having for dinner tonight, and I'm excited. They are delicious.

I keep typing things and then erasing them. I am excessively tired, and can't seem to properly complete a thought. Something I don't really do even on the best of days, but today... I can't even think of a decent analogy of how I can't seem to think clearly today.

I will try again later if I can get a quiet moment this evening.

For now, the hard things I've done today -
- Stayed up after getting Duncan settled back down at 5:30 this morning
- Finished an exercise video again :)

Just Do it - Thank you Nike.

Today has been a little hectic - menu planning, grocery shopping, feeding kids, dropping them off, signing papers on the car loan, rushing Grant to work for a call, picking up the kids... Now we are home and everyone crashed. Except me. I'm wanting to crash but am trying to resist.

But this will be short because I have lots that needs to happen still before this day is through.

My thought for the day is - Why not do it now?

That is what I keep saying to myself as I go throughout the day. This goes back to procrastination, but as I do things instead of leaving something to do later (wiping the table off after breakfast for example) I'm trying to think "This will have to be done at some point, and it will probably never be amazingly convenient, so why not do it now and enjoy a clean table all morning instead of doing it right before lunch?"

As for hard things, I am not good at remembering the hard things I did the day before, which is probably proof-positive that I am not doing hard enough things. Dang it. But the hard things I did today are:
1. A complete exercise video. I tend to start them (even that very rarely) and then quit half way through when it seems not fun anymore.
2. I didn't want to do menus or grocery shopping today, but I just made myself do it, and then I even went to 2 different stores so I could buy the things that cost less at each of them to save money.

That's all I guess.